Oh, the things I tangled up and gave
to the wind I loved,
oh, the strings I watched blow away --

just to know I held them once and
that they were taken for wanting.

Oh, the footsteps I could count watching,
somehow never starting up to follow,
knowing they were leaving --

just because I thought they never would,
just because I knew how to believe

in nothing. Because I could. Like words,
it can be anything you want,
like I thought I could.

And oh, the greatness of the vacancy,
the tightness of the strings untied and gone,
the angle of the memories just enough

to remind me what it takes to lose,
to remind me what I lost to wanting.

I love you like an orange.

It takes me five whole minutes.
Standing there, pulling off the skin,
picking off the white stuff,
separating the wedges,
and picking off more white stuff.
Seems like I never get it all.

Even eating it,
I'm still picking off white stuff,
still spitting out seeds.

An orange is not a simple snack.

But I'm not thinking about the peel,
not fretting all the white stuff,
not hating the seeds.
All I think of is the orange.
It's really good.

And I love you.

Dusk

Funny how it gets dark now,
leaving me behind,
inside,
as if something has gone on
without me.

It's hard to remember now
the things that hold me
together,
hard to think that even
while I fall invisibly apart,
somehow I remain.

What adds up to me?
Which sum am I?
Who is there now to find
me when I've lost myself?
How will I know where to go if I
don't know where I'm starting from?

Will I be able to love you
into survival if I've never
known how to love
at all?
Will you someday forgive
me for bringing you to life
in me?

Maine 2008

I saw an old man in Maine,
he was nailing plastic to his house,
wrapping up for winter.
It was cold and time for dinner.
Within my borrowed walls,
I wanted to be, like him, in occupation,
with a house to keep and a family to hold
and someone to go inside to.

Always waiting in the waves, we are
boats that hesitate, till harbors fill
and everyone is gone.

Calling

How far is too far?
How long will it take
till you figure out
every word I say
is a promise I'll break?

How long is too long?
How far can I run
till I'm too far gone?
Till you let me go,
till my weakness has won?

Why do you still call my name?
Don't you know I'll always come?
I take what you give, then walk away.
You're a fool
to stay
calling out my name.

Collecting Myself

breathe
in and out
don't think just
survive this
day this moment this
night behind

me and you i can't
live without and can't
hold in my hands and gone
now it rends
my soul like wet
paper killing
me as it falls
apart it's what i knew
it would be but i
believed

anyway and it's
this that will suffocate
me as i bend to
breathe in
and out

will it ever be
okay
i can't

breathe

behind front lines

he, undefeated
untaken, unmatched, unbeaten
by design

invincible

he, unmarred
unwounded, unwon, unscarred
by design

invisible

what is unknown
cannot be forgotten
what is unseen
cannot be abandoned

unbloody
unbroken
untamed

invincible

unwounded
unhealed
unfound

invisible